Movie Review!: The Eiger Sanction

If there’s one thing we as climbers lack, it’s Hollywood films about rock climbing. Sure, we have the classics, Vertical Limit, Cliffhanger, and even Mission: Impossible 2, but other than that, I thought we were out of luck. That is, until someone recommended to me, The Eiger Sanction.

Yes, this movie came out in 1975, and yes, it is AMAZING!

The plot?

A classical art professor and collector (and former badass climber), who doubles as a professional assassin, is coerced out of retirement to avenge the murder of an old friend (on the Eiger North Face).

If that doesn’t have you running for the DVD bargain bin at Walmart, I don’t know what will. First off, I was confused at the title. I didn’t even know until some googling after I watched the movie that the “Eiger” is actually a real mountain! 

I would love to go there someday and climb it! Who wants to plan an expedition next year??

Anyway, the movie begins with someone getting killed by an assassin. At least I think so.. the fighting is really awful, and if I’m to believe these are highly trained killers, then I’m a 5.14 climber (not yet, but soon). After that, we meet Clint Eastwood, the epitome of cool-as-shit professor. When a cute, young, blonde student shows up at his office asking if there’s “anything she can do” to maintain her B average, I was hoping Clint would do the right thing and say something like, “close the door and lets find out.” Instead, he tells her to study her little ass off… and sends her on her way. What a gentleman… Although he does slap her on her ass as he says it.

 

The next scene we meet another assassin, who looks like one of my dad’s bowling buddies, mind you, and he tells Eastwood that his old boss “Dragon” needs him for another hit. They get into a bit of a scuffle after Eastwood says “Don’t call me buddy, pal, or sweetheart!”, and Eastwood throws the guy out of his office.

But alas, Hemlock (Clint Eastwood) shows up at the secret assassin killing organization, run by the albino, blind, cold blooded lizard man named ‘Dragon’. He tells Hemlock that another agent was murdered, and the killer is a climber, so now Hemlock has to head to the Eiger to find him, and take him out. Obviously…

Hemlock takes the job, or “sanction”, and flies down to Utah to begin his training for the Eiger. This is where the movie goes from cheesy 70’s blacksploitation theatre, to legitimate Reel Rock Tour worthy badassery.

I dont know how they filmed this… But I’ve got a $2000 DSLR camera, and a hell of a lot more climbing experience than Clint Eastwood, and yet when I try to film climbing, it never looks like this.

Hemlock trains for about half the movie with his old mentor, and a native american climber girl who doesn’t talk, but makes Hemlock run on 4th class terrain with jeans and a denim shirt on, after which she sheds her top and reveals her breasts to him, either for motivation, or because… well, it’s Clint freakin’ Eastwood.

After some more fights, more ass grabbing, and more offensive 70’s characters (Hemlocks old arch nemisis is so gay, he named his dog, “faggot”), Hemlock and his old mentor climb an unclimbed tower, and marvel at how well Hemlock is climbing.

The best part of the movie is when Hemlocks buddy says, “How about a beer?”. Then Eastwood replies, “If you brought beer up here, you’re even crazier than I thought!” To which buddy replies, “I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid. I didn’t carry it, you did. It’s in your pack!”.

That line alone… is worth watching this film.

Anyway…. after that, they go to the Eiger. A bunch of stuff happens, he tries to find the killer, people die… but it’s mostly mountaineering, and nobody likes to watch mountaineering.

5/5 Stars! * * * * *

What do you guys think?

Wes

 

 

Climbing gear is a rip-off!!

I watch a lot of these shows on television where people ‘pitch’ businesses and products to wealthy investors. Aside from inspiring me to pursue my guiding business, these programs have taught me that most products cost 46 cents to make, and yet are sold to you and I for $50. Never is this more true than for the outdoor gear industry. There’s a reason we call Patagonia clothing, Patagucci. The “real world” has no clue that the ugly brown fleece sweater I’m wearing, probably costs more than the faded Guess jeans, polka-dot Gap shirt, and those SoftMoc moccasins combined that the girl sitting at Starbucks is wearing. But why?

• Newsflash: Every sweater that you own for climbing is made out of plastic. That’s right… You are paying cashmere prices for the same material as that disposable fork you’re eating your kale salad with. And how much plastic is used to make one sweater? About the size of a small apple! Stretched out into plastic thread, and woven by machine (or child in sweatshop) into that fancy sweater. Total cost of plastic? 79 cents. Total cost to you? $249.99. Stop the madness..
• Cam I help you? Spring Loaded Camming Devices, Friends, Camalots… These are the ultimate “bling” in climbing. Nothing proves how badass you are more than having a shiny new rack of cams dangling off your harness, other than some well loved hexes. Lets do some math here… A # 6 Black Diamond Camalot costs $110 at your average gear shop and weighs 1 lb, 4 ounces. Scrap aluminum prices are about $ 0.74/lb. That means the camalot has 92 cents worth of metal in it. That’s a mark-up of….  over 10,000 %! But I hear you… you’re paying that mark-up for the engineering, integrity, and safety of the the product and design… These things are bomber!

 

• This ain’t your daddies hemp rope: Climbing Ropes are ridiculous… At least with most other climbing gear, if you take care of it, it can last a lifetime. Rope on the other hand, barely lasts a season. Why? Bingo! It’s made of plastic! Climbing gear companies are huge corporations that pretend to be grass roots, save the whales, organic hippie farmers. They are out for one thing: Profit. I’m sure that these companies would be able to produce a stronger, longer lasting rope made from something other than nylon, but why would they? Most ropes can only take 6 or 7 falls before the company recommends replacing it. And at over $200, they can be sure you’ll be bled dry at the start of every season. Even someone like me who doesn’t fall often, has to worry about the rope deteriorating into dust after a season’s worth of UV damage.

• Shoes: I for one, don’t believe in climbing shoes. If you think wearing Solutions makes the difference between sending, and not sending, get in the gym and train, because you’re not strong enough yet. However, I know most of you wear some form of climbing shoe. Have you ever looked at a climbing shoe? I mean, really looked at it? It’s nothing more than a few strips of leather, stitched together, and dipped in rubber. Slap on some velcro and paint, and boom, you’ve just made a climbing shoe that sells for $179. Now you’re talking AirJordan prices, and worst of all, climbing shoes only last a couple months before the rubber wears off, and then you’re left with the worlds most uncomfortable house slipper. Climbing shoes should cost about 30 bucks, and be coated in a rubber that doesn’t wear out.

It’s all about greed folks. These companies preach the dirt bag lifestyle, though I wouldn’t be surprised if all the employees are out there sipping on macchiato’s in their Audi’s, listening to Nickleback, while we pick up the bill.

Let’s change the world.

Wes.

 

How to make a successful climbing movie.

I love climbing movies. Nothing inspires me more to get inside and climb than watching Adam Ondra shred on the next greatest 5.16. Of course, we don’t all have the dozens of film makers, grips, directors, and personal assistants following us around like Adam does. Often, we just use our cell phones, or the greatest gift to rock climbers: the GoPro.

But just having a GoPro doesn’t make you a film maker (although it helps). There’s an art to making a successful climbing video, and something that I feel I’ve become pretty good at. Over the last few years, I have probably watched more climbing videos than anyone. I know what works and what doesn’t.

Step # 1: Music.
I know you probably listen to obscure Indie folk bands with soft vocals, and soothing ukelele and bongo rhythms, but rock climbing is an extreme sport, and if you want to hold the viewers attention, you need extreme music. Dub step works best, but anything hardcore should do. The less extreme your video content is, the more you should amp up the music. Like this:

Step # 2: Humour.
We all take climbing very seriously, but you can’t be so intense all the time. Sometimes, we like to goof around and have some fun. So put that in your climbing movie. Recently I found this video, where a climber takes a pretty standard, run of the mill fall. Normally, this is no big deal, but overlay the right song with the footage, and you’ve turned an ordinary moment, into an extraordinary one!

Step # 3: Timeline.
Don’t just start your film in the middle of a climb. You need to tell a story. Rock climbing on it’s own can look pretty boring. Most viewers want to know how the day started. They want to see you wake up, get out of bed, and make a coffee. They want to see dramatic close-ups of water boiling, and french presses pressing. How about a time-lapse of you packing your gear? Add the right soundtrack, and you’re half way there! Stick that GoPro outside the car window, and show us the drive to the crag. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear?

Step # 4: No more butt shots!
There’s nothing worse than filming a static shot of a climber from below. It’s boring, and nobody can tell what’s going on. Don’t be lazy! Strap that GoPro on your bucket, and show us what it’s like to be a climber! This video, seamlessly blends footage from a GoPro helmet cam, with a static overview shot. The dialogue, the story, and the footage are gripping, and you really get a sense of what’s going on. This video would receive an A+, if only we we’re shown video of how they got there, what they had for breakfast, and of course, a sunset shot while having a beer at the summit.

Film on! Wes.

Climbing with a life coach: The only way to the top!

I sometimes find it difficult to uncover the motivation I need to get out there and climb. There are days when I just feel lazy. I dream of staying on the couch, eating a bag of chips, and watching Battlestar Galactica all day. For most climbers, it can be an arduous and gruelling internal battle to get up and move every day. It’s demanding, being a climber, and being a climbing guide is even more so.

Though I do not have any clients as of yet, I still need to commit several hours a day to working on my business. I need to plan adventures for clients I will (hopefully) have in the future. I need to design business cards, waivers, fliers… It can become exhausting! Rock climbing is my life, my business, and my hobby. Without someone there to guide me along, I would easily spiral out of control, and lose my way. I know many of you feel the same way. This is why it is in your benefit to assign someone as your “Climbing Life Coach”. Somebody who can push you, while keeping you grounded. Somebody you can spill your guts to. Feeling frustrated with that 5.10+ you just can’t seem to send? Your coach can mentor you through it, step by step, and you’ll get up that route, I promise.

We all need someone to inspire us. It is nearly impossible to progress as a climber on your own. This is also true for your career. I’m lucky. Climbing IS my career. I want to introduce you to Kevin, my Climbing Life Coach:

If that doesn’t inspire you, maybe climbing isn’t for you. Think about it. Why are you not achieving your goals? Do you not want it bad enough? Are you not strong enough? The answer is, maybe. The only way you are ever going to know the answer is if you have someone like Kevin to guide you. And when you have that special person, and you start to grow as a climber, give me a call.

Maybe you can be my first client. Let’s stumble through this adventure together.

Good luck, and keep climbing that mountain,

Wes.

Matt Segal: Pioneer or Destroyer of Routes?

Recently there was an article on the Climbing.com website by Matt Segal, called, “To Bolt, or Not to Bolt”. The article talks about a route he established in China, called Air China, 5.13+ R. Segal talks about how he wanted to establish the hardest trad route in China. Right off the bat, we see that he had a goal in his mind, and nothing was going to stop him.

As a route developer myself, I don’t seek out contrived lines just to fit my climbing goals. If a route ends up being easier than I thought it would be, I still take the time to clean it, and equip it in a safe way. Segal so desperately wanted this route to be considered a “traditional” route, he risked his own, and his belayers life just to try to nab the first ascent. His ego drove him to almost paying the ultimate price. In the end, the crux was so dangerous, he ended up adding a bolt, and sent the route using that bolt.

I understand the drive he felt. But there comes a point where you should check your ego at the door, and not let your pride destroy what might actually have been a great route. In the 21st century, you are IRRESPONSIBLE if you are establishing R/X routes. Period.

There was a time, where most trad routes were what we consider, R/X. This was simply because climbers in the 70’s didn’t have the gear necessary to protect the route. Bolts were terrible, and cams were not around, so many thin routes were put up with shitty hexes, and pounded in pitons. But today, we have bomber protection, 6 inch stainless steel glue-in bolts, and there’s no reason (other than selfish ego-stroking) why you should rob the community of an excellent, well protected sport route, just because you were stupid enough to risk your life and climb it using tiny off-set brass nuts, and three 000 C3’s.

Sure, the FA gets to name the route, grade it, and goes down in some guidebook or online route repository. But he/she does not own the rock, or get to dictate ethics/style. I would have no problem going to China, and bolting the shit out of Matt Segals route.

Do you agree? Let me know,

Wes.

 

5.14! What does it take?

Recently, a lot of you guys have been asking me what you can do to become better climbers. As someone who strives to always get better, smarter, and stronger – I have spent a lot of time asking the same questions. Am I training right? Eating right? How much have I improved this season? Will I ever climb 5.14?

It’s not easy. Unless your name is Adam Ondra, climbing is something that takes an exuberant  amount of hard work. Those people who don’t take it seriously, end up plateauing at that magic number, 5.9. This is because, beyond this grade, climbing becomes very technical, and requires some sort of sport-specific adaptive cultivation.

Do you think Chris Sharma started climbing 5.14 from just climbing once a week at a climbing gym? It was a conscious decision he made to get better, and having the tools and knowledge to accomplish what the mind has proclaimed. As a young climber, pushing through the grades, I feel the same way. I am at a level where I need to make a cognizant choice to climb at a 5.13 or even 5.14 level. I’m starting to set routes that challenge me. I need to stop climbing at grades I know I can climb (5.12+) and start climbing things that are beyond my limit. This is where the magic happens. And here are some tips to make that 5.14 grade, turn into reality.

• Treadwall: The most important part of training for climbing is climbing. This amazing piece of kit allows you to do that, on an exponentially grand scale. Want to climb El Cap in a day? The only way to do it in your New England garage, is the Treadwall. Sure, 5 grand is a big chunk of change… but think about it, what would you pay to have a “big wall” in your back yard? This is your only chance.
• Diet: Climbing is not weight lifting. It is not running. There aren’t many nutrition and diet books out there on climbing. And most of the ones out there for other sports, don’t translate well over to the vertical world. As climbers, we eat Goo, Clif Bars, Protein bars, trail mix, and oatmeal. It can get pretty disgusting. One thing I’ve found that helps me, is to switch to eating one meal a day. Back in the 70’s, this is what climbers in Yosemite would do, and they were way more jacked than you. The science behind this is complex, but the theory is, if you have one giant meal a day, the muscles that you used for climbing, use all of that food energy to get stronger. I have been doing this for 3 months now and have had huge results.
• Limit Climbing Outdoors: Climbing outdoors is great. It’s one of the best ways to climb. But it is so much more involved. You have to pack your pack, drive to the crag, hike in, gear up, rope up, lead a route, make an anchor…. annnnddddd…. now its 3:00pm and you’ve only been up one route. If you want to get strong, sacrifice the outdoors for a year, and focus on spending time at the gym climbing routes, and running laps.
• Cruxes: I always find that for me, the crux on a route is the hardest part. It’s usually a very hard move that spits me out like an olive pit. It can be exhausting boinking up a rope, or having to reclimb part of a route, just to try the crux again. Instead, try to recreate to crux at a gym, or inside at your home wall. Mimic the angle, and the holds, and climb it over and over until you have it dialled. I have done this for my serious projects, and firmly believe I wouldn’t have sent without it.
• Legs: When people first start climbing, they think that they need a lot of finger strength and big biceps. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The most important part of your body when you climb, is your legs. The stronger your legs are, the less weight you put on your fingers. When you see Chris Sharma dynoing from a hold, 70 feet above the water, it’s not his fingers or arms he’s using to propel him to the jug, it’s his legs! Do squats and leg presses, and really tone those thighs. Your hands are only used to keep you on the wall. You shouldn’t have much weight, if any, on those fingers.

Whatever you do, make sure you really commit. Climbing isn’t easy, so don’t treat it like a game. This is work. This is your life. This is why we climb!

Shred on, Wes.

Gear… on a budget!

We as climbers live our lives on a budget. We work 6 months of the year, so we can climb the other 6. We crash on couches, and eat out of dumpsters, just so we can save up a few bucks for gas. We hit the open road, wondering how we’ll be able to survive on 16 bucks a day. But when it comes to gear… like Rob Ford, we crack. Sure, my Columbia jacket from 1997 still works, but damn, have you seen Arc’teryx’s new Theta SVX jacket? Well I’m here to tell you, you don’t need to break the bank. You don’t need that new $800 jacket, or a new $300 rope from Sterling with Chris Sharma’s creepy blonde moustache hairs sewn into the fibres. Here are some great pieces of gear which won’t cut into your craft beer fund:

• Rigid Stem Friends: Oh I’m sorry, are you scared? Are you worried that these cams aren’t as shiny as the new Black Diamond X4’s? Well for that $70 bucks you were going to spend on that 0.1 camalot, why not take a break from cat videos and spend some time checking out craigslist or ebay for some good ol’ used gear. Sure, it’s nice to have a brand new rack dangling from your harness, but guess what, your dad climbed in the 70’s with pieces of railroad spikes as protection, and he still climbed harder than you.
• Mountain Project: Guidebooks are great. They’re nice to hold, and look great on a bookshelf. But guess what, your dinner party guests don’t give a crap that you have all 7 volumes of “Freedom of the Hills”, or 4 versions of the “Red River Gorge” guidebook. If you’re going to spend $40 on a guide every time you go to a new climbing area, then please, can I have a ride in your limo? Go on-line, get the app, or print off a few pages of beta. Yeah I hear you, “but it’s not always up to date, and it doesn’t have everything” – Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were going to climb everything.
• Goodwill: Have you ever been to the Patagonia store? They have to special order their price tags from a car dealership in order to fit their prices on them. Do yourself a favor, when you see a Goodwill, or Salvation Army store, go in and have a quick browse. Oh that R3 hoody you’ve got is pretty nice, but for $200 I could have bought 50 of these:
• Budget Shoes: Sweet Solutions brah. You must shred hard.  But guess what? If you go back to the 1970’s with the cheapest ClimbX or Madrock climbing shoes you can find today, they would be so blown away, they would think you were an alien from the planet Climberon-5, sent here to replace those stiff, heavy, high top junk rubber atrocities they used to climb in. Seriously, if you think you’re falling off your proj because your shoes aren’t down-turned enough, perhaps you’d be better off as a spelunker.
• Ice Climbing Gear: Modern ice climbing gear can be the most expensive climbing gear out there. Over the years, i have figured out a great way to save money. Don’t ice climb.

Have any other tips? We’re all on this journey together, so leave it in the comments or on the Facebook page!

As always, keep it real.

Answering Your Questions:

There have been a ton of comments and questions on this site, and on various online forums. I have tried to avoid reading the very negative ones, but will try to address some concerns some of you have had:

Via RockClimbing.com: hippiegrrrl has said, “Cams can clink and rattle on your harness, but they ought to be shipped with safety foam”

My Response: Yes. Cams can clink on a harness, but surely being packed in a box, and thrown around a shipping facility/truck is different than that. The postal worker could literally drop your box of cams from the 4th storey window of the post office down to his truck, and you would never know how good his aim is.

Via MountainProject.com: Jeff J said, “If that is his TR anchor, I never climbing a big wall with this guy. I can not imagine the cluster F*%& that would ensue. ”

My Response: Jeff, I am sad you wouldn’t want to climb a big wall with me. I hope to one day soon go big wall climbing, but feel I need a lot more practice Aid Climbing. Aid seems to be the one area of my climbing skills which is lacking. I know that it is the most technically and mentally challenging part of “climbing”. Maybe after a few years of Big Walling, you feel that you can make less bomber anchors. I, on the other hand, believe an anchor should hold at least 3-4x the maximum load conceivable.

Via SuperTopo.com: budmiller wrote, “certainly a fake but a very good one. The devils in the details, like how he set his own 5.12!”

My Response: Budmiller, just because I set my own routes, does not mean I am fake. I try to be as real as possible. If somebody does’t agree with my grading of a route, they can certainly voice their opinion. Rock climbing grades are all subjective. There are some 5.13’s out there that some people like Chris Sharma would grade as a 5.9, because to him it is easy. I feel like the route to me, is 5.12.

Via ThisWebsite: Anonymous wrote, “Hey Wes, great blog. Helped me get the right stuff to go do some top roping out at the crag out in Sydney. Totally stoked to read your blog. Hey man was wondering if you could like teach me how to like place those anchor things in the rock….but like over the internet man. Raaaad!!”

My Response: Thanks so much! I am very happy to have helped you! It’s nice to know I have fans out in Sydney! I love Kiwis, and hope to visit some day! Those anchor things in the rock are called bolts! It is very important you learn how to place these from a certified mountain guide/route developer and check with your local climbing area’s access fund before ever attempting to do so. I am a self-taught route developer.

If you have any other questions or anything, make sure you drop me a comment or question on here or on my Facebook Page!

Girls, all I really want is girls, And in the morning it’s girls..

Girls who rock climb… we’ve all seen them, and well, we all like them. But… I have some issues. Often times, I have trouble meeting members of the opposite sex. This is especially difficult for us rock climbers because our sport is dominated by sweaty guys with their shirts off, grunting, and constantly adjusting their beanies in case they’ve become askew after that gnarly V5 dyno problem. We revert back to primitive peacocks, shaking our tail feathers, desperate to receive any attention from the illusive female climber. I am guilty of this. You are guilty of this. However, try as we might, most girls simply don’t even bat an eye. They ignore us, they pity us, they snicker behind our backs. But who’s to blame? Why do we keep trying to nab that unicorn?

• Lululemon: Are you kidding me? Are we honestly supposed to believe those pants that you’re wearing are more comfortable, and make you climb harder? Out of curiosity, I once tried on a pair of these booty-enhancing gifts from god, and let me tell you: in no way, shape, or form, was I able to climb harder, or more comfortably. I just felt like a piece of meat. Ladies, if you want us to stare at you like we’re staring at the sun, lose the lulu’s, and put on some sweat pants like the rest of us.
• Sports Bras: Notice how they’re still called bras? That’s because they are supposed to be worn underneath your shirt, not in place of it. Now, I love watching girls climb in these just as much as the next guy, but I don’t need to be thinking about jugs while I’m climbing on crimps, so please: bra goes under shirt.
• Beta?: Out in the real world, when a pretty girl comes up to you out of the blue and starts talking to you, your next move is probably going to be asking them out. At the climbing gym, when a pretty girl you don’t know starts asking you for beta, deafening alarms start going off in the male mind. “SHE LIKES YOU, SHE LIKES YOUR MUSCLES, SHE LOVES YOUR BEANIE” – ladies, do not be surprised when after you ask us for beta, we spend an unreasonable amount of time spotting you, adding you on Facebook, and asking if you wan’t to climb some time (so we can show you our proj).
• Blame the reach: Saying you can’t do a move because your arms aren’t long enough, is the same as me saying I can’t get a date because I’m too attractive to girls, and they are intimidated by me. If you have long arms, you can make bigger reaches, yes, but you also probably get squished and fall off of moves that require smaller holds, and more dexterity. Ashima has the arm span of a Poodle, and she can climb V13. You have an average arm span, and tiny little fingers that can shake out on crimps I can’t even hold. I have sausage links on my hands.

Girls are great. Girls who climb are better, but for God’s sake, pay some attention to me, would ya?

Wes

Who is Sean McColl anyway?

Someone posted this video of a climber, Sean McColl, on twitter recently:

I did some research, and apparently this is part of a bouldering competition called the “Hueco Rock Rodeo“. Did I read this right? an OUTDOOR bouldering competition? This doesn’t seem fair to me!

At a “real” bouldering competition, you have professional route setters making sure they set world class boulder problems that none of the competitors have climbed before. They are able to create beautiful movement, and problems that are harder than anything found in nature. This is the allure of indoor bouldering. You are not limited but the finite amount of holds and moves that real rock produces.

Also, who’s to say Mr. McColl hasn’t been to Hueco before and tried these problems over and over until they are all but memorized? Wouldn’t this give him an unfair advantage? From now on, lets keep it fair, and have rock climbing competitions where they belong: gyms.

Keepin’ it real.

Wes